The Fairness Fallacy
Updated: May 23, 2022
"Fair is a fallacy we try to teach our children as truth in little league." - Sarah Hauer, Nov 1st, 2021
I wrote that almost a month ago out of the blue. I have been dwelling on it ever since. A few days ago, I received some news that brought this line back to the forefront of my mind. I am hoping to use it in the next book. Hoping. If I ever get that book done.
That doesn't sound good, does it? If I ever get that book done. Yes, I am working on it. But life keeps happening to me. Every time I turn around, the realness of life hits me again and again and again. I truly feel I have had way more hits than the average bear. Life has been exceedingly unfair for me. One thing after another after another. I am so sick of it. I have even had people ask me why these things keep happening to me. I don't know. I only know to say that life is not fair. It doesn't play by fairness rules.
However, if I asked for a show of hands how many of you have been hit by a major life event in the past twelve months, I'm sure a lot of hands would go up.
We look around and wonder, "Is anyone else hurting like I am?" We see the answer is no because we all have this tendency to remain stoic on the outside. But the reality is the answer is yes. Everyone is dealing with some sort of major battle on the inside. We all try to look good and be happy on social media and with our purchases and in our attire and with our vacations and with our smiles on our faces - all hiding our real life pains.
We all have pains, diseases, losses, griefs, and torturous events that remain unspoken.
We all ask the question why at one point or another. Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why me and not someone else?
But that someone else is hurting too.
Two of my kids played little league baseball back in the early 2000s. Everyone got a trophy win or lose because somehow that was supposed to help them psychologically. Except it didn't. We taught them that if you play fair, life will treat you fair. Except it doesn't. We believed if you have enough faith a benevolent God will give you what you wish for. Except it doesn't work that way. Miracles don't come from wishes.
Life is going to throw punches at you no matter who you are, where you are at, or what you believe. There is faith to move mountains, but there is no faith to prevent mountains from being there in the first place. The mountains are there.
There is resilience. Thank you, God, for resilience! I pray I have enough. Resilience can be grown internally. I learned that the hard way. Hopefully, I can continue to grow more.
There is an important lesson in playing little league. The lesson is this: Forget the trophies. Forget the three strikes and you're out. Look around. The team is what matters. Working together is what matters. Making the most of your time at bat. Working your way around the bases. And every now and then, when you or someone else happens to hit that one over the wall, be happy about it. Then get back to being a member of that team.
Choose your team well. Family, friends, co-workers. Who you surround yourself with is who you will become, even if you are on in years. No one is set in stone.
Each person has their position on the team. If you have two pitchers and no catcher or first baseman, you haven't got a team. You are missing key people. Sometimes players only play for a season or two. That's okay.
Eventually, the game comes to an end. There is a winner, and there is a loser. Define winner and loser carefully before you hand out any trophies. After careful contemplation of definitions, you might be surprised who comes out as the MVP.
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Thanks for reading!
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