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  • Writer's pictureSarahHauer

Happy Valentine's Day to Me

Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you are half of a couple, one of a group of friends, sharing a heart-shaped cake with your family, or all alone. I hope today is a happy one!

Traditionally, Valentine's Day is for couples in love. What does that mean, in love? Do people really know what that looks like anymore? Frankly, I think modern day media has distorted it so much that, no, a lot of people don't know what love looks like anymore. Reality TV is all about that lustful high, and they define love that way. It feels so good, people want to believe it.

Lust is temporary. Lust fades away. Sure, it's fun and even healthy to revisit it once in a while with the right person, but lust is short term. It's about the high of the raging hormones that make you want to get down to it. But lust is not the rock on which a long-term relationship is meant to be built, as stated in the Bible. Lust gets swept away over time like waves sweep away sand on the beach. (Matt 7: 24-27)

Long term love, real love, stone foundation love comes from decisions, sacrifices, and commitments. Forgiveness, compassion, understanding, and respect. Real love waxes and wanes like the cycles of the Moon. Love is patient, and kind, and work. Love is not easy. It takes work.

It also takes another important component often found lacking in today's definitions. It takes love of self. Yes. Self-love. Without that, you haven't got love..

I have been spending my Valentine's Day today on loving myself. I am alone today. I had an early Valentine celebration at a Super Bowl party yesterday with my family. Today, they are all elsewhere, and I am with someone equally as important - me.

I spent a lot of years putting everyone else in my family ahead of me. I often pushed my body too far to make others happy. I paid the price. I thought I was doing it out of love. Societal definitions of love told me I am supposed to sacrifice myself for everyone. The Bible says that too. Turns out, that's not right. Yes, we are supposed to make sacrifices for our loved ones so as not to be too selfish. However, we are not called to be martyrs for that type of love. In fact, in the second of the two great commandments Jesus gave to summarize the 10 Commandments given by God through Moses states that directly. It says, "Love your neighbors as yourself." AS YOURSELF. As in equal to. Not more. Not less. (Matt 22: 37-39)

Turns out, we are not called to be unnecessary martyrs. Necessary, sure. Unnecessary, no.

Making some sort of sacrificial gesture to show someone you love them more than yourself without cause (the Bible does talk about laying down ones life for another, John 15: 13) is not a show of strength. Turns out, it is a show of weakness.

Where did we get these false ideas of love from? Media. Reality TV. Fairy Tales. Romance novels (yes, I am a novelist). Previous generations of family members who meant well when they tried to show us by example, but more often than not they didn't know better either.

I hope someone in your life taught you that you are just as important as the person across the table from you. You are just as important as the person who doesn't know you are alive as hard as you try to get their attention. You are just as important as your own child you rock to sleep at night. That person in the mirror looking back at you deserves to be treated with unconditional love from you. Give that as a Valentine's gift. You deserve it.

Do you think you deserve as much love as you have to give?

Shoot me an email at

Thanks for reading!


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